As do all of the summer months, June brings active energy. It is a good time to review relationships and our role in them in order to make necessary adjustments to improve them. This may mean changing our behavior, seeking out new bonds, or breaking ties.
To read prior entries in this series, Using Seasonal Energy to Let Go, click on the links below:
January – releasing issues related to will, independence, determination, stubbornness, entrepreneurship, new beginnings, or isolation
February – releasing things related to communication, collaboration, cooperation, partnerships, and relationships
March – releasing items related to creativity, imagination, and expression
April – releasing issues related to structure, planning, organization, patience, and productivity
May – releasing issues involving change, activity, risk, versatility, and stimulation
June is represented by the number 6. The energy of 6 is related to relationships, family, love, nurturing, and balance.
Relationships include co-workers, friends, and partners. They also include animals and pets (although these can also be family 🙂 Healthy relationships involve cooperation, mutual support, honesty, and respect. Relationship issues occur when these aren’t present. They may show up as dependency, control, anger, or abuse. Are you staying in a relationship that is over but you haven’t ended it? Are you uncooperative with your co-worker because you don’t respect them? Do you allow yourself to be mistreated because you think you deserve it?
Family includes parents, grandparents, siblings, children, aunts, uncles, and extended family members, such as step-parents. Family relationships should follow the same guidelines as any other relationship and be cooperative, supportive, honest, and respectful. However, we often cut our family more slack regarding their behavior because of their blood ties to us, so it can be harder to act on family issues. Do you meddle in your children’s lives long after they have become adults? Are you respectful of your parents? Do you tolerate or hide the truth about someone’s behavior because they are a relative?
Love addresses our ability to love as well as to be loved. It also includes a healthy love of self. Do you care enough about yourself to allow someone else to love you too? Do you harbor old wounds that keep you from enjoying a fulfilling, loving relationship?
Like love, nurturing is about giving as well as accepting care. Do you accept nurturing from others? Do you spend so much time taking care of others that you forget to take care of yourself?
Balance is the ability to be in loving, nurturing relationships where giving and receiving are as equal as possible. It is also about remembering to honor yourself and your limitations by engaging in self-care. Is your lifelong pattern to take care of everyone but yourself? Do you expect love and respect but fail to show that to others? Are you able to establish healthy boundaries with those with whom you are in relationship?
Reviewing connections to others and how we behave in relationships can be a difficult thing to do. The role we play in every relationship is rooted in our belief system, which means it is likely well-established and we may not even be consciously aware of it. It often takes an outside observer to help us recognize the roles we play. This was definitely true for me.
I did not realize how much energy I expended taking care of others until others repeatedly made comments about it. I was even called “first responder” by someone I barely know. So, I used the energy of June to reduce my role as caretaker within relationships and establish better balance.
My caretaker role started at a very early age, so the behavior was natural, comfortable, and deeply engrained. It was once explained to me that when a parent has difficulty taking care of a child, the child will try to take care of the parent in hopes the parent will then be able to take care of them. This is how it began for me. Having uncovered the source of my behavior, I was better able to address it.
The first step was to determine what were acceptable boundaries for me, and stick to them. This meant learning to say “no” more often, regardless of the other person’s reaction. I also revisited my Feelings List, developed as part of unveiling the Lights in My Life. I used the feelings I most wanted to feel as a criteria for reviewing the relationships in which I played the role of caretaker. If the relationship did not invoke those feelings most of the time, I then took a deeper look to determine if care taking the person was necessary, such as illness or other crisis. If the situation warranted care-taking, then I either continued the role or connected the person to someone better-equipped to take on the role. In those situations where the relationship was out of balance, I changed my behavior. I became more selective about volunteering to help. I encouraged others to solve their own problems instead of offering solutions. As expected, the change in my behavior and role in out-of-balance relationships caused some interesting reactions. Those that were positive have become more balanced and brought deeper connections. In the case of the rest, I had to care about myself enough to let them go.