I’ve spent too much energy and time fretting over my inability to see how to apply my eclectic talents in a way that feeds my soul. This unknowing followed me around, taunting me with how close it was without me being able to identify it. It sometimes materialized as a form standing just over my shoulder, but disappear when I’d turn to see it. Or it would be a person in my dreams I just couldn’t quite hear, a thought that was just beyond my reach.
I get information all the time about other people, so why couldn’t I access information for myself? I ask for guidance before counseling someone, and it is provided. When I’m in a situation where I want to connect to someone I don’t know, I’m given a way to connect. My dreams are vivid and my meditations are often full-blown stories. So what was blocking the answer to the big question I asked repeatedly? I just want to know for me, What next? Finally, during a meditation yesterday, I was able to uncover the source of the blockage: doubt.
One of the reasons doubt is so damaging is its ability to hide. I did not consciously realize I had doubts about what I was asking. Doubt was so well cloaked, I looked right at her and didn’t see her.
I’d had big ideas before—those I thought were my true calling. One by one they proved to be okay, but certainly not the soul-feeding one I knew waited for me to discover . . . and doubt crept in. She came silent and slow, building over one abandoned, unsuccessful idea after the other. She grew, the stealthy beast that she is, until she became the one in charge when I asked for information about myself. The more I couldn’t get a response, the more confident she became. And I unknowingly let her.
Although there are many reasons we don’t achieve or even pursue our dreams, doubt is among the most harmful. Defined as “a feeling of uncertainty or lack of conviction,” doubt kills our belief in our goals and sucks the energy we need to pursue our dreams.
I’ve found a way to deal with doubt. You can read about it in this post: Dealing with Doubt